DukeEngage | Duke Center for Civic Engagement

Since summer program has not really started yet, I have only heard about the people that I get to serve. However, based on my experience during the first week when I actually got to work with children who were in after-school program, my experience has been nothing but positive. I got to know more about some of the children better as I got to talk and tutor them. Since I work with the children with arts program during the semester, some of them recognized me and were extremely kind to me, and even the kids that I did not know were really nice and perceived me more or less of their friend, not a tutor who has lots of authorities on them. I have had easier time with younger kids, 1st through 3rd, and I did not get to have much experience with 5th and up students. But I remember one time, bunch of middle school girls (from Healthy Start Academy) asked me where I was from and that they have a friend who came from Korea as well, and I was so happy to have a little conversation with them. I know I need to be less shy about getting to know them, but I felt that it was a little difficult, and I think that they probably felt the same way as I did. I’m so glad that they took the initiative, and I hope that I will be more friendly and open to those kids as well.

I had harder time tutoring upper grade kids as well. The tutoring groups are divided in to 2, upper and lower grades, and I tutored a 5th grader once who is Hispanic and significantly behind in his reading skills. That day was the day of year-end test, so not many students were very focused, and I had such a hard time dealing with this kid. We worked on a practice test, and as soon as we started to work on it, I felt that he didn’t want to do this (well, yes, it was a bad choice, especially after the day of testing, as I think back!). The text was regarding science, and from the beginning, I knew that he was really behind, having hard time reading complicated vocabularies out loud and not understanding the text. What really frustrated me was not the fact that he was behind, but that he was not even frustrated about the fact that he is behind. He kept saying that he didn’t understand, and yet when it came down to answering questions (multiple choices of which he could just guess), he was pretty good at answering them, and even then, he kept saying that he was just guessing. It seemed that he just doesn’t give a hoot about what he was doing with me. Such a sense of hopelessness never happens in younger kids’ group, and that’s why I’d rather teach 1st through 3rd graders. For the last day of the program, I even got a thank-you card from one of the children (2nd or 3rd grader, I think) that I tutored for a couple days, and that was something that’s so rewarding. I know that ideally, I should feel rewarded whichever child I get to help out, but being a creature of emotion, I just could not help but leaning towards lower grade children who are more responsive and enthusiastic about learning. And I felt really terrible about many children who are behind and already 5th and upper graders, because I know that many teachers and tutors feel the same way as I do, and some of them were probably given up by the system and by teachers.

I remember when Ms. Medlock of Durham Nativity School said that you can’t convince someone to be a teacher since it is a “heart” work. And the heart work seems to be really hard, sometimes disappointing and sad when the students just embody the absence of hope. As I work on 1st through 8th graders throughout the summer, I would like to find hope in every single child whichever grade s/he is in.
 

I’ve never been a blog writer before, so I feel a little anxious, awkward and excited all at the same time. But I’ve been reading my friends’ travel and service blogs, and I felt like, well, why not? I just don’t know where to start and what to talk about as my first story, spending the summer in Durham for the second year in a row. Yes, I am staying in Durham, and spending my last summer in college in the good old town with DukeEngage, while I could have applied for somewhat fancier, sexier experiences in India, Peru, or South Africa. I had some personal schedule conflict with going abroad due to my friends wedding in the middle of the summer, but I had better reasons to stay here in Durham. A little bit about myself. I’m an international student from Korea who has been in the States for past 7 years, and next semester will be my 8th. I have lost the traditional sense of “home” since I was fifteen and decided to make places that I get to live for long period (more than a couple months at a time) “home.” Greenville, SC, Kansas City, MO, Birmingham, AL, and here Durham have been my homes so far, and Durham will be the home that I will have stayed the longest period. It is a place that has special meaning to my life, because Duke (therefore I along with other Dukies) resides in the city. But we Duke students are all living in a different world from the ones who live outside of the Gothic Wonderland. We just don’t know what’s happening out there, beyond 9th Street and Shooters. Although it is cliché to mention, Duke is part of Durham, whether one thinks Durham sucks or not. As a third year “Durham resident” I literally know almost nothing about the town, other than several places that I have volunteered and areas near Duke such as 9th street and Brightleaf Square. When one does not have not much contact with different parts of herself, she gets incarcerated into her part that is more convenient for her to stick with, and I feel that Durham has been a big part of myself that I have chosen to not to explore. Yet how can I explain this strange sense of belonging and affection to the unknown? I always felt offended when someone trash-talks about Durham (“Durham is a sh**h*le,” “There’s nothing to do here,” “Durham people hate Duke students,” etc.) and that’s what initially motivated me to be in DukeEngage Durham. I wanted to prove that Durham can be an as sexy of a place as Cape Town (and I definitely do NOT mean to put down those who are having great abroad experience!). But as I think about it, choosing Durham was mostly for myself. I have desired to get to know the place and contribute to the community that I owe so much to. I have seen so much to be done --especially in education which is my primary interest— right outside of my comfort zone (Duke zone), and while the problem is right here, right at home, I cannot leave here. I know I cannot solve the entire educational problems, and I am not working in Durham on some kind of heroic missions with self-messianic ego, but I want to contribute my summer to the issues that “my” people are facing. And here I am, given the chance right in front of me. I know I am not serving the entire community's needs (and I can’t possibly do that!), but I hope that this will be a memorable, humbling, learning experience that I will never regret as I influence and get influenced by one child at a time. PS: My internship place by the way... I am working for Emily Krzyzewski Center, as an enrichment bloc programmer for elementary and middle school students while supervising high school interns who will be helping out with the programs and working on their college application processes. It's been very fun and rewarding so far!